How I overcome Impostor syndrome.

Impostor syndrome: The persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills. 

(Definition from Oxford Languages.)

To anyone who doesn't write this may sound silly, but impostor syndrome is something many writers (including myself) struggle for years to overcome and millions never manage it. Impostor syndrome and self doubt kill more writing careers than failure ever will, simply because so many people with huge potential quit or let their insecurities hold them back. In this post I'm going to talk about how I managed to finally overcome it, as well as sharing some useful tips and strategies I hope will help other authors and writers too.

I have always been someone who loved to write and English was the subject I enjoyed and excelled in throughout my school life, but as a young person I had no real aspirations of becoming a writer because it seemed out of my league. I didn't know of anyone who was a writer, none of the adults in my family wrote and it seemed to me like something posh, well educated people did whilst people like me were expected to go out and get a "normal" job. 

I knew I was good at it though, not in a vein or arrogant way but because of the attention my writing always drew, for example I found myself having a current affairs piece I'd written as part of my school work published on the front page of the newspaper when I was about 14 years old and I knew that was a pretty huge achievement because of my teacher's elated reaction. She encouraged me to keep writing and I had more success but the self doubt was huge, so despite going on to study English language and Literature in further education I didn't pursue a writing career instead I listened to my doubts and dropped out of college. It wasn't until I was in my early 20's when the internet and blogging became huge and I watched blogger after blogger rise to success that my interest in it peaked again.

Eventually, I got the courage to try my hand at blogging but I was so uncomfortable with putting myself out there that I hid my blogs from everyone I knew in real life. I'd get great responses from strangers online but I was terrified that people in my real life would think I was weird and a tease me for doing it and so I made sure they never found out! I blogged about beauty and fashion mostly and started to gain a bit of confidence thanks to networking with other bloggers online who I could relate to and build friendships with. Finding like minded people helped me to feel less weird and they all encouraged me to keep at it.

As I built up a following I realised that I couldn't really pursue it properly or have any success with it if I kept it a secret and so I started to open up a bit more to people in my real life and come out of the bloggers closet. The reaction was a 50/50 split of people who were impressed and supportive and those who were bitchy and mocking. "Oh god she thinks she's a blogger now! She can't be a blogger!" I decided to just ignore the haters and nay sayers, finding just about enough self confidence to continue because I knew I was doing well, even though their mocking and opinions did hurt a lot and knock my confidence considerably.

By this time I had also started to dip my toe into writing fiction. I suffered from anxiety attacks and when I was having them I found that distracting myself from anxious thoughts by creative writing helped. I loved escaping into my imagination and creating stories and I decided that maybe I should try writing a novel. I told a few of those closest to me about the idea and they teased me which put me off and so I crawled back into my writing closet and locked the door, making a mental note never to come back out again because it hurt when people mocked my ideas. I did start to write the story but I gave up, deciding they were probably right. Who was I to write a novel? I worked on a checkout in a supermarket for heavens sake!

My "big break" in blogging finally came when I was approached to be a columnist for an international fashion blog! I couldn't believe it. I was no longer just writing for my own little account, I was being sent press releases and writing about huge international brands! I was going to freaking fashion week and being given a VIP booth and goodie bags! I was being sent things to review! My articles were on a website and an app, being published not only in English but translated by an editing team and published in several other European languages too. 

Despite this success though I still felt like I wasn't able to admit that I was a writer to most of the people in my real life because I was scared of their opinions and mocking. Once bitten twice shy! I came out to a few colleagues, relatives, friends, acquaintances.... Not many seemed to get it though.

I spent the next decade writing for numerous blogs in different genres, eventually leaving the beauty and fashion world behind as I matured and branched out to write for lifestyle and current affairs sites. I was still struggling massively with impostor syndrome though, even though I'd had the validation of success and getting regularly published I just never felt good enough to believe I was a writer let alone convince everyone else that I was one!

I was stuck in a self sabotage cycle where I'd get so far and achieve something amazing then people in my real life would would say something mocking and I would be riddled with self doubt and go and back to hide in my writing closet. Ten years of my life were wasted, not achieving anywhere close to my full potential because it was impossible to build a career when I didn't believe in myself and I let everyone else's opinions frighten me.

Enough was enough!

I'd done my time in the closet, I'd honed my skills as a writer over the last decade, I'd had poetry curated and exhibited, I'd published 2 fiction e-books under a pen name that both got great reactions and I'd blogged myself half to death. It was make or break time. I either had to put my big girl pants on and burst out of the closet and stop caring or give up on writing and stop wasting my time with this half trying nonsense.

It had been a decade long hokey cokey of in, out, in, out and I never, ever got to do the fun "shake it all about!" part.... Until now!

I decided I was writing a novel and that I was going to publish it properly in my own name. No more hiding. No more messing around. Knowing that I'd never manage to overcome the self doubt that was tearing me apart inside as I wrote the opening chapters, I started researching mindset and looking at how mine differed from the mindsets of those who were successful! It became apparent that I had impostor syndrome (I'd never even heard of it before) and I realised that I needed to address it once and for all. Call it fate, the universe, alignment, coincidence or whatever you like to believe but right at this very moment two people entered my life and changed everything.

I met Dan Ramsden and Matt Hall from a podcast called "Rich In Success." Their podcasts are based around studying mindset and success then implementing the changes needed to become rich in success (as the title suggests!) Dan is a personal trainer and Matt is a life coach and so through those two very different approaches they coach clients to push boundaries, comfort zones, build confidence and excel in all areas of their lives. I began being coached by them and we addressed the very roots of my impostor syndrome. They taught me that the opinions of others don't matter, that we have to 100% back ourselves, that we have to replace negative internal self talk with positive talk and that we must never listen to self doubt and just act anyway but most of all they educated me about that fact that feeling uncomfortable is important for growth and that we have to consistently push out of comfort zones by doing things we feel like we aren't ready to do in order to reach our full potential. Nobody is a writer until they decide they're a writer! J.K. Rowling backed herself 100% and never gave up. She didn't let fear of others opinions deter her, nor a dozen of rejections from publishers. Writing is a tough game and I needed to toughen up!

They taught me that impostor syndrome is a vital part of the journey, and we must embrace it and continue to take consistent action in spite of not feeling good enough in order to build the confidence to know we are. We have to open the closet door and welcome the self doubts and the comments from others and we have to look all that negativity and fear in the eye and tell it we are bloody well doing it anyway!

The only way out of impostor syndrome is through it!

I shook with nerves as Matt encouraged me to go live on Facebook and tell the world I was writing a book a few months ago but I did it and the relief now is insane! I no longer feel like an impostor because I no longer have to behave like one. I'm not hiding in a closet I'm a writer and I've told the world that I am. I have a website and author social media that I don't hide and I'm out! I'm here for it!

Did I have anxiety? Of course I did!

Did people mock me? Of course they did.

Do I care anymore? Absolutely not because now I understand that overcoming impostor syndrome is all just part of the journey, it's toughening us up for the inevitable bumpy road that we'll face. Authors face rejections from publishers, negative reviews, hate on social media and books that flop. If were not tough enough to withstand a little light mocking from our nearest and dearest how the heck do we expect to ever handle that? 

Maybe overcoming impostor syndrome is a vital part of the journey to getting tougher and learning to back ourselves no matter what. Laying the foundations for the road we're about to build, so to speak!

Let me know your thoughts in the comments!